


Everything Else is Irrelevant

by Samanthaa23



Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Episode Related, First Kiss, M/M, episode 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24496684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samanthaa23/pseuds/Samanthaa23
Summary: This is just a little character study/ insight into Kings thoughts and feeling about Ram specifically during episode 14.
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 104





	Everything Else is Irrelevant

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted anything Thai BL related before but I just couldn't get this to stop going around my head so I thought i'd try write something.  
> It didn't come out as well as I'd have hoped but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway. 
> 
> Any kudos or comments are seriously appreciated. I'd love to hear your guys thoughts on both the story and what you think is going to happen in Season 2. 
> 
> Thanks  
> Sam :)

King didn't know why he'd even played cards, he never actually won. He knew Tee had pulled out the bottle of whiskey that he'd end up being too drunk to function by the end of it. It didn't really matter though his head had been all over the place for the entire day and he figured drinking would take the edge off for a little while at least. 

  
His head felt all fuzzy from the continuous shots that he had drank, all he wanted to do was rest his arms on the table and sleep. His eyes were barely open anymore as it is and he was trying and failing to avoid eye contact with Ram who was cautiously looking at him from the other side of the table. He had tried and failed repeatedly to avoid taking a peek at the one person who had been constantly invading his life for the past few months. During the group photo their eyes had met and it killed him to see Ram looking at him with such honest and open eyes, he wished that he could take back telling Ram to leave him alone. No matter what though he couldn't and wouldn't do that, it was getting to hard to have Ram within arms reach. 

  
King could feel someone gently pulling at his arm to try and wake him up, he eyes wouldn't focus but he knew that blurry silhouette anywhere. Ram moved closer and his face so close, way too close. He hit out, wanting to put some distance between them, hoping that his words had come out the way he intended, he needed Ram to leave him alone. Even when he was barely conscious the proximity was way too much to handle. He couldn't trust himself like this. He could feel the effects of the alcohol pulling him back under, he just wanted to sleep. He didn't know how long it had been for long arms to encircle his waist and try and hoist him up from the ground. He didn't try and fight it this time, he let the strong arms pull him to his feet and keep him steady.   
Each wobbly step that they made back to the tent made them bump into each other, he could feel the heat radiating from Ram through their clothes, he had to squeeze his eyes shut to make himself focus on taking step after step until they abruptly stopped. He assumed that they had finally reached their destination, the tent they shared. He couldn't do this, he couldn't share a tent with Ram, not now, not while he was like this. 

  
Ram helped them both into the tent, stumbling slightly as they went through the opening, he didn't want them to fall but he almost dragged Ram with him when he tried to dash to the other side of the tent, space, he just needed some space.   
King had successfully avoided looking at Ram's face during their entire trip back to the tent but now he opened his eyes just in time to see big brown doe eyes staring back at him. He was so angry at himself and at Ram for not staying away from him like he so desperately needed. 

  
"I said not to bother me" _Why can't he just leave me alone. I can't explain why him being this close makes me so emotional._

  
"Why?" 

  
"There is no why" Not that he would ever tell Ram exactly what he wanted to. He needed to get him to leave. Right now.

  
"You can leave now" King turned his head, he didn't want to see any expression on Ram's face. He said everything with his expressions and King had learnt all of them. He didn't want to see anything. He didn't want to guess anything else that would make his heart hurt so much more. 

  
"No. I won't leave until you tell me why" Ram spoke to him so softly, each syllable just made his heart ache even more.

  
"I told you to leave"

  
"You annoy me" 

  
"GET OUT" _Please cool boy can't you see what you're doing to me. If you left me alone then I can try and ignore everything that's going on inside my head._

  
"Why?" 

  
"Because of me?" Of course Ram knew, he knew he shouldn't say what he was about to say next but all the words just came tumbling out of his mouth. He couldn't stop them even if he tried.

  
"Yes"

  
"Because you make me feel good"

  
"That's why it's torturing me"

  
"Do you know"

  
"How hard I have to hold back myself every time I am near you"

  
"It tortures me you know" 

  
"That's why I want you to be far away from me" 

  
"So I don't feel all this pain inside" 

  
"That's the reason" 

  
"I told you why" 

  
"You happy" 

  
"ARE YOU HAPPY!?" He pushed Ram away from him, he hadn't meant for it to happen, he hadn't meant to say any of that, he was supposed to hide it until it went away. 

  
Ram sat back up and looked at him, he could see the words Ram wanted to say without him even opening his mouth. It hurt so fucking much to see Ram like this.

  
His entire resolve faded right in that moment and he surged forward and attached his lips to Rams. 

* * *

  
The memories from last night kept flashing repeatedly inside his brain, this morning should have been simple and yet he felt like he was back at square one. Once he had stepped outside of the tent everything that he had said and done with Ram had hit him like a freight train and no amount of alcohol could make him forget how he'd sharing those moments with Ram. It had excited and terrified him and that why when Ram had stepped out of the tent and gave King the opportunity to cut him off before he said anything. Ram hadn't said too much but he'd assumed that Ram didn't remember anything and King had took it and ran with it until he could fake not remembering anything either. Why did he have to remember anyway? King knew why, because it had meant everything. Parting ways he'd told Ram that he'd see them back at the Condo. King didn't know when he started calling it their home in his head.

  
His phone pinged only seconds after he'd set off towards his Grandma's house.

  
**Ram** : I was not drunk last night

  
King looked down at the message, his hand was gripping the phone tighter than necessary. He read the message again, and then another ten times. The words that were on screen still weren't registering within his mind.

  
Of course Ram wasn't drunk, he'd been able to carry them both back to the tent last night, he'd been the only one left who hadn't had their head lay on the table fighting waves of nausea. Of course Ram wasn't drunk, he wouldn't let himself. King had noticed it many times before, Ram always seemed to be waiting to help someone, he never seemed to let himself be out of control, King had seen it and knew it but until this moment he hadn't realised what that meant.

  
He should have known that Ram would remember everything, but wait until King was one to say something. Ram would never push him and that was one of the things he liked about Ram, although there were so many more things. 

  
Ram had been around King and the other when they were all drinking before, and he'd never once seen Ram get pass out drunk. The night at the bar when Duen was drunk, Ram was the one to help him home and to warm Bohn not to mess with Duen just to get back at the girl he was seeing. The night that Ting had got too drunk at his house, Ram had ignored the need to talk to King about what had happened with his Dad and instead rushed to help the other to get Ting home safely. He always seemed aware of what was going on around him and was unfazed by it all. Ram was ready to lend a hand to anybody or a shoulder to lean on. He knew Ram's hero complex went deeper than wanting to help people, it was because he was too nice, and it was a shame that not many people knew it. King knew it though, Ram had let him in and shared a lot with him, he was special enough that Ram finally felt comfortable enough to speak to him. He'd spent days looking after him, making sure he was healing from his injuries and making sure that he took his meds. Each time it had made King fall for him even more, and the only think King knew how to do was push him away because of it.

  
How had he not seen the signs that Ram could return his feelings? Even Ruj had said that Ram had opened up to King. King realised that he hadn't seen any of the signs because he hadn't wanted to. It scared him too much to think that Ram returned his feeling and that's why he shut himself off from them. 

  
King always thought he understood what Ram wanted, he waited and didn't push him to talk. He just did what he did best and spoke while Ram either text him a reply or just gave a nod or shake of his head. He'd tried to learn every cue Ram had to offer him, he learnt that being dragged about was the only way Ram felt he could get him to come somewhere with him with having to explain where or why point. It just didn't help that every time Ram held his arm, it sent tingles down his spine and the spark ignited something that he hadn't wanted to admit until yesterday. 

  
He had learnt everything except the most important thing. 

  
King had been going crazy every time Ram did something cute, when he let him put a flower in his hair, when he told him how the Venus Fly trap was one of the most important things he owned. All of it had made his heart beat so fast that he had thought on multiple occasions that it would just beat out of his chest.

  
When he had held him close during the night when his fever broke and his entire body was wracked with cold, as soon as Ram had saw that he was shivering he'd tried to use his body heat to help. The closeness from just an arm around him had made a jolt of electricity run through him and he had felt so much heat run through his body that he didn't think he'd ever feel the cold again. 

  
Ram's tattoo's had been the first thing that had captured his eye, he remembered seeing the dream catcher tattoo on Ram's neck through the space in the bookshelves. He been mesmerised by the black ink on such pale skin. Then when he'd seen the other tattoos it had made his fingers itch at how much he wanted to spend hours just tracing the ink lines that mapped certain places of Ram's body. 

  
Ram's eyes were the most expressive thing about Ram's body, sometimes King had thought he could just loose himself in them. He said so much with one look and yet King hadn't been able to decipher the one thing that would have confirmed that it wasn't just King feeling like this. The point was that King was so scared to admit it to himself, he hadn't needed anyone before, only his plants, and then Ram had come along and changed everything. 

  
He meant it last night when he had told Ram that it was torture being so close to him, and then the resolve he had had crumbled when he had looked into Ram's sad eyes at being repeatedly pushed away. He had taken what he wanted as as soon as his lips had connected with Ram's, he had felt like he couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop and in the end Ram had kissed him back with no hesitation. King almost stopped breathing when he had felt Ram's hand on his cheek slowly caressing and calming the nerved buzzing through his body. That when he knew he needed more. He'd kissed Ram with everything that he had and then he knew that he'd been denying himself such a sweet thing and the realisation that he could have it now had caught him by surprise. 

  
They had kissed languidly for so long that his lips were swollen and Ram look dishevelled, he'd almost climbed into Ram's lap then and there and held on for dear life so that the night didn't have to end. However they had both been so tired and even though King had sobered up a little he knew that they needed to sleep at least for a few hours before the travel back home. 

  
They didn't speak after their extensive make out session, they had only lay down and Ram's arms had encased him. He knew in that moment that he had wanted to fall asleep the same way for the foreseeable future. 

  
Once the alcohol had worn off and he'd woken up to be face to face with Ram, he'd became nervous about what would come next. So when Ram had given him an out, he had reverted back to before. He didn't know what he wanted so he went for the easy option and denied it all happened to himself and it looks like he'd basically told Ram that he didn't want to remember and it didn't mean anything. King needed to make it right.

 **King** : We need to talk when I get home


End file.
